Possession ≠ Love.
I get so tired of hearing people talk about their significant others as if they purchased them from the store. You can’t date my ex. Or you can’t talk to my girl. Don’t stare at my man. It’s ridiculous and it’s getting out of hand.
Some of it is friendly banter and I’ll allow it. But other times, it’s gone so far that we’ve literally restricted people from making their own decisions and condemned them from being free.
I was talking to a friend of mine who told me how badly she wanted to explore things with other people. She wants to go places with other women and spend time with other men. She wants to experience conversations and trips and deep connections with others, but the guilt won’t let her do it. It won’t let her be free. She feels stagnant. Repressed. Obliged.
Her partner forbids her to go out or makes a point to join her when she does. She keeps her close and dictates the people she can see. And she isn’t the only one. We all do it.
We find so much pride in saying that someone is mine and mine only. We go so far as to block others who may want to create a bond with our significant other because we’re afraid we’ll lose them to something.
I’ve been that way. Until I found myself wandering off, wanting to see and experience the world in ways I hadn’t been able to before. I wanted to have long talks with strangers and feel them against my skin. I wanted to spend time with men in their homes and see how they lived. I wanted to have conversations that went deeper than surface and find out what makes a person tick.
And I did. I have. I do. But I had to release the shackles I felt like I had on me. I had to talk to my spouse and hear his perspective. I had to trust him to trust me in the midst of these interactions.
And dare I say, there is a part of me that feels like we shouldn’t even be holding people to these standards of blind monogamy if our souls are reaching out to engage with others.
Maybe, in the midst of our engaging, we find ourselves, within another. We see ourselves clearly. We understand things we didn’t understand before. We call it cheating, others call it exploration.
And no, I am not mandating that the world become open and swap spit with people they barely know. But I petition, that we have more worldly connections than we give ourselves credit or space for. We have ways to engage and learn and feel from others in a way that may not be socially acceptable. But if love is not possessive — then love will allow space for us to be and explore and look and try and converse without consequence.
And if you do not agree with this open way of living, you should not compromise yourself or your healing for someone who desires to cross boundaries and engage with someone else.
But I will ask you, why you are so bound to possession? And what would it mean, for you to let go?